January 2009 - Happy New Year

This will be a quick post. I've been contemplating the past year - as most of us have. I do not trust too many people in this world very easily and once someone stabs me in the back - well, it's a very long and difficult trek to get back into my good graces again. I cannot say that it is impossible but that's as close as one can get. I heave learned over the past year that some people whom I loved and trusted among other things were manipulative backstabbers. Why they have done the things they did - I do not know. If they were any sort of honorable persons - and I had done something or said something to them that was of a grievous nature - I would assume they would have just come right out and faced me - person-to-person and told me about it. Instead they were sneaky, dishonest, dishonorable, and inhuman. I do consider loyalty to be the hallmark of trust and honor. One woman whom I considered and aunt, my grandmother called daughter, and my own mother considered a sister - has been lying and deceiving my entire family for reasons only she knows. None of my family ever did a damn thing to her. Two girl friends whom I loved like sisters - have also shown their true colors this past year - backstabbers both. I wonder if they were truly raised in this way - to just do these things to people just because they can.

There is a saying: fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I never let a person fool me a second time. I never give second chances easily. Trust is earned in this world. At this point the only two beings on this planet that I trust completely are God and Jesus. I cannot even trust myself, my own judgment, or my own heart - for they have led me to be deceived by these persons as well as others - and led to my being very severely hurt buy the one person whom I believed was the only single fellow human being whom I could trust. I tested this person several times to determine his loyalty, love, and integrity - as well as how serious he was about our relationship. He passed the tests with flying colors - only to turn around and backstab me in the most deceptive way possible. Heartless and sick - evil - if there ever was such a concept - these kinds of actions are proof of it.

I had a couple good friends whom nearly twenty years ago - decided for whatever reason - that they preferred to live their lives without my continued friendship. They both made this quite clear. One had been a friend since kindergarten - the other since second grade. They threw our friendship over a cliff. They chose this for their own reasons. I do not know what those reasons were - I do not care to know of them now. Because if they had been legit - both of these people would have confronted me about it. If you cannot look the person accused in the eye and have it out with them - then you know damn well, that somehow - that person is not guilty of the crime. These people prefer to live in a fantasy land instead of reality. That is their choice. There is another saying out there: you made your bed, now lie in it. Ah, I believe there is one old friend from back then who remained loyal a true all along - possibly two. Things that make you go hmmmm...